I grew up back in the days before kids had to be strapped into car seats. On vacation, we would lie in the back of the station wagon, play games, stretch out and sleep. No seat belts. No problems. And we all grew up just fine. When I was a kid, adults used to smoke in the house and no one made a big deal about it. We kids got the biggest kick out of fetching the ash tray for our elders and we squealed with delight as they blew thick white smoke rings for us from their Camels and Chesterfields and Salems. If you look closely at the photos, you'll even see that our pregnant mothers puffed away while they drank coffee and served meat loaf and gravy. And we all grew up just fine. Today, worry is an industry. We're afraid of life. There's a movement in England to ban smoking even in private homes where children live. That's too intrusive. Back when I was a kid, in fact before I was a kid, we actually smoked in the womb. My mother provided for her baby's needs by swallowing a pack of Kents and a Zippo, just like her mother before her swallowed a pack of Luckies and a box of wooden matches. And guess what: We all turned out fine, thank you very much. Back then, we didn't have play dates. We just played. Kids today have their own calendars.Back then, no one supervised us, which allowed us to learn how to solve our own problems. And if one guy had to twist another guy's arm till he cried uncle, or somebody got a bloody nose, or lost an eye, then so be it, it was just part of growing up, all in good fun, and if you look at us now, we all turned out pretty good after all. There were no video games. And our folks wouldn't let us just lay around and watch TV. So we went outside and played, and if it was cold, we bundled up, and went outside to play. And if you broke a bone that pierced through your skin, you popped it back in, walked it off, then got back into position and played shortstop or built snowmen, and that's how we learned teamwork and determination, and we're all better off today because of it. If you misbehaved in school, you not only got punished at school but even worse at home. At my school, if they caught you cheating, the teachers whacked your knuckles with a pointer. Then when you got home, your mother chopped a joint off your pinky.Too severe, you say? Well, there is no generation that loves its mothers more than mine, and we're all just doing fine. That's why there's so much trouble in schools today. Bad kids are mollycoddled. In my day, they laid down the law. I remember one kid, Harley Farler, shot a spitball across our 6th grade classroom. Mrs. Lundy, our teacher, didn't seek a counselor or schedule a conference with Harley's parents. While Harley was still smugly snickering, Mrs. Lundy yanked him out into the hallway and summarily executed him with a 357 Magnum. The kids near the hallway door suffered temporary loss of hearing. All of us experienced a permanent fear of Mrs. Lundy. From then on, every class was orderly. And we all turned out just fine. |
| PAH! |
| by Mark Morelli |
| We All Turned Out Just Fine |