| PAH! |
| What's the 4-letter word for desiring something you don't have? Envy! I'm fascinated by envy, probably because I work in advertising and if it weren't for envy, I'd be in lawn care or education. (Education pays only slight better, but the grass doesn't talk back to you...priceless!) As an ad-man, my job is to encourage people to break the 9th commandment, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods. (Actually, the complete original commandment is Do not be envious of your neighbor's house. Do not be envious of your neighbor's wife, his slave, his maid, his ox, his donkey, or anything else that is your neighbor's, which is sexier and in addition to the premise for every dirty movie ever made.) Envy is Like a Chinese Meal The beauty part of earning a living by capitalizing on Envy (because the downside of doing so is, likely, eternal damnation,) is that Envy is never sated. Indulge your Envy (covet your neighbor's goods!) and the moment you take possession of what you envied, you're hungry again! Envy is, "I Want What You Got." So you'd think there's no way to end this envy until you own absolutely everything. Nope. Rosebuuuuuud! Go ahead, own as much as you can possibly own, and you'll still be pining for something you can't have, like the innocence of your childhood sledriding days. I frequently tell my office colleagues, in my more frazzled corporate moments, that I envy the happy, simple lives of monks. But what about the chastity, people say. If 17 years of marriage has taught me anything, it is how to be chaste. Strumming John Lennon for the Monks I don't know if I'd be happy with the monks, but I'd love the peace and quiet. If the monks ask me why they should accept me, I will strum the John Lennon chords and sing, "All we are saying...is give Mark a chants." It used to take money to accumulate a lot of junk. Now you can double your clutter with one McDonald's drive-through trip. Happy Meals bags, cups, straws, paper and those wonderful plastic toys that give our children many seconds of pleasure. Here's a great little poem by Kurt Vonnegut: Joe Heller: A Poem True story, word of honor: Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer now dead, and I were at a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island. I said, "Joe, how does it make you feel to know that our host only yesterday May have made more money Than your novel "Catch 22" Has earned in its entire history?" And Joe said, "I've got something he can never have." And I said, "What on earth could that be, Joe?" And Joe said, "The knowledge that I've got enough." Not bad! Rest in peace! I agree with Joseph Heller, but this wisdom is negated because I also envy Joseph Heller for the great book he wrote, while all my drafts of books lay half-baked on the shelves. Envying What You Can't Buy So I don't envy those with big houses and new cars, even though I could use an extra room and my '95 Cavalier is squeaky crap-on-wheels. I envy people who are more focused and follow clear, tight plans. I have always been a meanderer, living a life modeled more on Robert Frost's "Road Not Taken" than Trump: How to Get Rich, and while my wanderings have led me to fascinating places and interesting people, I now envy those who have built more methodical, structured lives and careers, whose choices now provide dividends for their future while I have in my wake a lot of unsold drafts and near-misses of great successes. I hope this envy will pass when this buried-up-to-your-neck phase of middle-aged bills and responsibilities recede. When it does, when this tide goes out, it would be my dream come true if what remains on the shore is, to quote Mick Jagger, not what I want, but what I need. |
| by Mark Morelli |
| Blue with Envy |