My 11-year-old daughter Olivia and I went out for breakfast today. A very effeminate male waiter came to our table. My daughter is respectful but curious. Privately she asked me, "Is he gay?" "Probably," I said. This led to talk about the issue on the Ohio ballot last week in which the majority of Ohio voters declared that gay couples have no right to marry and unmarried straight couples have limited rights to legal partnership. I also added that Ohio shot itself in the foot economically. Imagine the revenues from all those magnificent weddings! Where in the hell was the hospitality lobby? "Imagine," I told my little girl. "This guy has to serve food to people who don't think that his love for another person counts as much as theirs." Truthfully, I don't think voters really think of it this way. They look at this issue in a more aesthetic manner: as a preservation of family life, insurance for the sanctity of marriage. Maybe even I did. That is, a few weeks before the voting, when I heard a gay man called a radio talk show. He said he was sick of coming home from a long, hard day of work to recorded political messages -- in his home -- declaring him a threat to the social fabric. On election night I joined other Kerry volunteers at the so-called victory party. Gay volunteers were additionally saddened by the passages of Issue 1. I stood by their side as they wept. They were afraid and insulted. Do you know how sickening it is to comfort your fellow citizens who have just been told they are not entitled to partnership rights? Even our Republican governor and senators advised us to vote no on this ban. It would be bad for business. It reveals intolerance. It is bigoted. But you can't kill a powerful idea. So the voters in eleven states squashed any efforts gay Americans were making toward having the right to marry. Done deal, right? Wrong. In my opinion, now comes the "compassionate conservative" part: For starters, compassionate conservatives must now tip their gay waiters 70%. How will you know they are gay? You just. Point-blank. You've never before worried about butting into their lives. Why start now? And why 70%? To help them pay for health coverage that they won't get since you saw fit to deny them legal partnership rights. And if conservatives don't like that, then maybe the next time they'll insist on ballot initiatives that show backbone. That is, if they really want to sanctify marriage, they should outlaw divorce.
