By Mark Morelli
Sunscreen. Check.
Yellow highlighter. Check.
Thermos of Crystal Light iced tea and Jack Daniels. Check.
Yes, it's time to go nose to nose with my list of must-read summer books (and one video collection.) I am, like so many other people this year, making an extra effort to absorb topical non-fiction to stay on top of current events.
PRAISE "VOILA!" Here's a fun book compiling news reports of kooky crimes committed in the name of patriotism. Remember the old Arab who was beaten outside of a New Jersey diner for allegedy worshipping his Mullah? Make that “moolah.” Turns out he is an elderly Italian gentleman bragging about his portfolio. The title comes from an incident in which a Florida magician gets pummelled when, after tapping on his magic top hat, he raises his arms and calls for “Allah!”
WHAT'S NEXT FOR BILL MAHER? Supreme Court Justice nominee Robert Bork, trapeze patriarch Tino Wallenda, optical fiber pioneer researcher Donald Keck, Jello Biafra, Nobel Peace Prize winner/Nazi hunter Elie Wiesel, actor Billy Bob Thornton, Ohio representative Dennis Kucinich, octogenarian winemaker Robert Mondavi, and Judy Tenuta discuss the comedian’s future options.
BEYOND EBONICS: MEN WHO TALK LIKE NICHOLAS CAGE. Examines the roots of the strange drawl and unpredictable inflections. Controversial chapters examine the perpetual inability to end any sentence with something that sounds like punctuation --- and how this problem costs the U.S. economy close to $4 billion annually.
TANLINES. I expected something more salacious, but I eventually grew quite fond of this collection of quips by the author of The Joy Luck Club.
EDWARD BURNS: HE’S THE ONE. A look at the growing number of men who think it would be pretty cool to allow their ladies to have a fling with "man’s man" filmmaker Ed Burns. Restraining order prevented interview with Burns himself.
ROSS, RACHEL & ME: Billy Thawmpkiss, a Rocheport, Missouri data processor/screenwriter insists that he originated the Rachel-is-pregnant story line for the tv show FRIENDS a full 8 weeks before it appeared on TV. Includes transcripts of tape recordings of Thawmpkiss with attorneys who promptly declined to take on his case. Rather than stay "stuck in second gear," he is "there for you" the reader, with this David-and-Goliath saga.
SINUS! - THE MUSICAL Photography book that goes behind-the-scenes of the much ballyhooed but ultimately disappointing Broadway (almost!) musical inspired by the novel Saturday Night Hay Fever. Even the musical collaboration of England Dan, John Ford Coley and Anthony Newley couldn't break up the congestion. Photographer Daniel Leibowitz opted to make his publishing debut with his name splashed on the cover as "dANNIE LEIBOWITZ."
J-LO’s Marriage: While everyone else is going goo-gah over The Osbournes, my friends and I will be enjoying "Love Don’t Last Too Long," the 12-DVD collection that chronicles in real-time the entire marriage of Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd. A disappointment for those who don’t enjoy watching Judd alone in their house channel surfing, sorting socks and taking phone messages. J-Lo appears in the final minutes to pick up her cat and let in the attorney who serves Judd the divorce papers.
Recipes from the Department of Homeland Security. The half of the recipes which received photo clearance looked tasty! Known throughout Washington kitchens as "the best kept secrets of the culinary world," the editors weren't at liberty to reveal actual measurements or other information such as how many each dish would feed. Spicy dishes are designated SEVERE, HIGH, ELEVATED, GUARDED or LOW. In his foreword, Governor Tom Ridge assures us that the sumptuousness of each dish has been tested by, well, let’s just say qualified chefs in various kitchens around the free world. He also announced, "There would be a book signing sometime in the near future, I really can’t say where."
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