by Mark Morelli
Why the need for Texans to pray before football games?
I don’t care about the legal rulings and the nit-picking over whether pregame prayers are allowed over loudspeakers, or if private citizens are permitted to lead the stadium prayers.
Some Texan football fans even bring small radios to listen to prayers uttered by local radio stations as specific benediction for that particular game
I pray, too. I asked God if the prayers of Texas high school football fans made a difference in the outcome of the games
If what?” God answered
“I mean, if one team prayers longer, and gets more fans to pray, will you fix the game?” I asked
God shrugged. “I’m not following you.”
“Of course, it is the other way around,” I said, correcting him, but He didn’t get it
God admitted that the prayers of football fans in Texas was something he wasn’t even aware of. They had not even crossed his desk
“I thought you listened to ALL prayers,” I said
“In due time,” God answered. I’ve got a traffic manager and a secretary. They come to Me in order of importance.”
“Well, let me give you a preview,” I said. “Fans of high school football in Texas love to pray to you before games.”
“Before GAMES?” God was incredulous. Not miffed, just befuddled. “I appreciate the attention, but why before games? I mean, what can I do about a game.”
“I think that some of the fans pray so that you might bless the . . . I dunno, field . . . so that none of the players get hurt.”
“If they don’t want to get hurt, they should be in marching band,” God said.
“Can fans and players pray for victory?” I asked
“They can pray for whatever they want,” God said. “I get prayers from people who want to win beauty contests, who want nice lawns . . . one lady prays every night that if there is a God, then her Mary Kay business will triple.”
“Wow . . . .”
“Not double. Triple!”
God laughed. (You’d think it would be robust. Instead, it is kind of reedy.)
He added, “I’m so backlogged now it isn’t funny. You know how long it takes to separate prayers for sick kids from prayers for ideal prom dates?”
“A lot of time?”
“I’m thinking of hiring is how long.”
God stopped and raised a finger
“Speaking of Texas,” he said, “I’ve been getting a lot of vibe from a fervent believer in Texas, but I don’t recall it having anything to do with football. It is about politics.”
“Maybe it’s from Bush,” I said
“Burning Bush?” God asked. “No, I did that a LONG time ago, and it wasn’t in Texas. . . .”
“Not George W.,” I said. “He’s running for U.S. president.”
“Ohhhh, yeaaaah,” God said. “That’s right.”
“You mean he genuinely does pray every day?” I asked
“Absolutely,” said God. “And his prayers are selfless.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, he must want to give money to someone less fortunate than himself because he keeps praying for a cancellation of his rebates.”
I pondered a moment
“Oh,” I said, “I think he means DE-bates.”
“Debates?” said God. “Presidential debates?”
“Yup,” I said
God picked up His phone. “Gabriel,” he said. “Put Bush right behind Football.”
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